moses

I have been officially accepted into this year's Paramedic program, and will be starting in two weeks. This is an advancement from EMT to Paramedic that I've been looking forward to for a long time. Here's the catch. Every paramedic I talk to asks if I'm ready for my year in hell. One told me that his year in the program should count for credit as time served in hell, in case he ends up there. The head of the program told me to take lots of pictures of my kids in the next couple of weeks, 'cause otherwise I won't remember what they look like by the end of the year. Why? Well, for eleven months I will be working my normal fifty to sixty hour weeks at Central EMS, in school for sixteen hours a week (four college classes for each of the three semesters), doing clinical rotations in the ER for twelve to twenty hours a week, and somewhere in between, finding the time to do homework.

And so, logically, I am filled with anxious thoughts about the coming year. When am I going to be with my family? What's Crystal going to do this year? I'm used to being a very involved dad, spending lots of time during the weekdays with my kids, since I work such strange night and weekend hours. Will they forget me? Will our marriage be o.k.? Will this even be worth it?

Yesterday, I had the little ones while Crystal did one of her cleaning jobs, and Simone was in a musical mood. She spent no less than an hour singing out loud about everything under the sun. It was a really hilarious and touching window into her mind. For a while I was distracted with Everett, and wasn't paying close attention to her musical monologue. But one line was so melodic that it caught my attention, and I began to notice what she was singing in her angelic voice:

"Don't be sad...anymore
Don't be afraid...anymore
You don't need to worry...anymore"

I said, "Simone, that's so pretty, what are you singing about?"
She said, "I singin' about Moses."

It gave me the chills. In the Hebrew story, Moses was a great mediator between God and people. He had a special connection, and spoke to the people from God.

I suddenly had the sense that God was speaking to me through my little singing Moses. Do not fear. Do not be anxious. There's no need.

Alright, then.